


Ghost Of You

by jesjones



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 14:46:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17143727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesjones/pseuds/jesjones





	Ghost Of You

Since Peter left this world, it felt like you were the only one left there, you felt like you were the only person on this earth and you are the only one he left behind even though its not true...he left his aunt, he left his best friends,  he left his professors, he left behind every other human being that needed and will need his help. 

But you mattered the most to him, you were there all the time even when he didn't ask for you to be,  you two had your own secret place,  not like the one he had with Ned-that's a work place- a place where you  two could be yourselves, the place where you would meet and have the best time, the place where you two shared mental breakdowns and the success of a mission and a high grade and so on, but it was the place where you two spent most of your time  and now it  was empty and cold, dark and lonely, and not yours anymore.

You wish you could say things, things you wanted to say back when Peter was alive, you wish you could've done better when he was alive, and you can't, and you can't do what he did, you can't help people  the way he did, but you can try your own way; you wish you knew better back then, but you just know better now. 

It still hurts, you knew it was love- but you weren't sure and both of you were young and dumb- and so you didn't take things too far, you didn't complicate things too much, Pete had enough on his head in  those moment, those days, those months-when everything  was happy for you, for  you _both_...because he was there-but those  times are gone and you can't do anything but reminisce the old times, clean up your place and find his shirts-that you wore sometimes too-and the most important one being the Zeppelin shirt.

_“Cleaning up today, found that old Zeppelin shirt / You wore when you ran away, and no one could feel your hurt...”_

The memories of you and Pete are coming back slowly just reminding you of how you two used to do most of the things spidey-style, reminding you of how his muscles felt under the old suit, of how you felt his breath on your face as you swung from building to building and so these memories are reminding you of the good and happy times that aren't here any longer.

_”Did I really deserve this?”_ was the only thing you could ask yourself. 

  
You could see the old coffee cup sitting, gathering dust on the old table, the improvised bed that you two used to sleep in way  too  much than you  should've,  and now that you woke up alone-again- in it you realize you  still can't sleep on his side, you can't touch something that was entirely his without bursting into tears.

  
All  you wish you could do is dream, and keep dreaming of a life full of joy next to Peter, of a  life where he's alive and happy, so you just wish all the damn time that you could dream long enough to hear him telling you  that you'd be fine, even though  you won't be.  
So there's nothing else for you  to do but drown it out, drown this pain away, drown the sadness, the anguish, the anxiety, the fear _away_ , like they can disappear if you chase them down with shots of truth and alcohol, so that's what you keep doing, beside hiding everything from anyone, knowing they wouldn't understand.

  
Everything is messed up in your head, your thoughts are wild and it feels  like they're playing with you,  nothing is  in its place, you go from the  night you helped Pete with his english  homework, to your first kiss, from the moment you saw the headlines on the news saying "Peter Parker gone missing!" , to when he brought you to the place that became your so-called "house"  or even "home", your thoughts are going from left to right and from right to left and you feel like shit.

There's no guilt, no hate  or anger  or rage for the one who did this, only confusion and sadness, emptiness and doubt.... again you're alone, no Pete no happiness, no happiness no will  to live, but he wouldn't want this, he  would want you to move on, he would want to be  there with you and help you through, he would want to be there with you for every second of _both_   your lives, but he's not and you feel more alone than ever, he has became a _ghost_ ,  not to you but to the world, he's gone and you  don't like it, he is being forgotten... and  its not what he deserves. Your place, _yours and Peters_ ,  it  looks like its haunted and it actually may be, by him....before you do anything stupid, you do what you used to do with Pete when he was feeling down, you put on your song and dance alone to  it or maybe not alone..., but what you're sure of is that  you-your feet-don't dance like they _did_   with him.


End file.
